You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
