everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
