I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
