I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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