Too much gin, very little bucket
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
