Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
