I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
home. puking in laundry basket.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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