it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
cat food counts as protein by the way
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
