i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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