just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
