what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Randomize
