she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
