Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
