I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
