I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
