My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
