What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
