Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hippo gnu deer
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
