she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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