you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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