Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
