We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
