My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
