I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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