So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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