Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
