you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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