forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
