Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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