watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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