my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
