You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
