The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
