Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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