he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
