I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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