So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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