Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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