absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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