I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
