accomplished twins. life is a go
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
