I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
