i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
