I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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