this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
