my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
