I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
