You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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