Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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