So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
